The Blessings of Being in Deep Sh*t

Hi friends,

Greetings from the half-way mark of the Omer. Wow, what a journey it's been so far. Lots of growth and exciting possibilities abound.

More on those at the appropriate times.

One highlight to share: Over Pesach, I spent a week in Tzfat, with Reuven and Yehudit Goldfarb, a lovely couple, and longtime members of the Jewish Renewal community.

Their house is gorgeous, with an amazing library with almost every Jewish book I've ever wanted to read, and many more, and the top floor of the house is a dance studio with hardwood floors and a beautiful view overlooking the forest just outside Tzfat. I spent a lot of time chanting, singing, davening, and writing during the week. It was so lovely to have a week to really ground myself in a sacred space. Jerusalem is so noisy, but their house in Tzfat was exactly what I needed to relax and ground myself. (2 asides – I read Reb Zalman's Integral Halacha there, and ate ktniyot on Pesach for the first time. Why, exactly, did it take me so long to do that?)

After being there five days, mostly in the house, on Shabbat afternoon I needed to get out.

Not knowing Tzfat at all, I decided to head for the forest which had provided such amazing views all week long. I knew I needed to head downhill, and came across a path next to the cemetery where all the Kabbalists (and others) are buried. Dressed only in shorts, I decided to avoid the cemetery and kept heading downhill. When I got to the bottom I could see the forest, but didn't know if there were any trails to hike on. I saw a few people coming from the direction of the forest and asked one of them if there was such a trail. He said, in the lovely Israeli manner, the equivalent of "yeah, yeah, go straight, you'll find it" aka yashar yashar. Well, I am talented at many things but directions are not my strongsuit. And given that everyone in Israel tells you to go yashar yashar, does it actually mean anything or is it the lovely way of saying go that way, and let someone else deal with you? Eh, I'll figure it out, I says to myself and I head towards the trees.

I go a ways and I see a little trail going off to the left. Okay, it's a trail, the trees are that way, how bad can it be, I think.

I take the trail and it leads me into grazing lands for cows. I cross near a manure pit, which, not surprisingly was not pleasing to my nasal passages.

And then I'm standing in a big, grassy area with me, cows, and lots of poop. Lots of poop.

At this point, I go into my Ilan-philosopher mode. Okay, I say to myself, I am quite literally in "deep sh*t" – there's poop all around me and it smells and in case you were wondering, this ain't exactly the best place to go hiking, kiddo. And then I think about my life. Hmm, in some respects I'm in deep sh*t in real life too. Here I am, close to running out of money, with no clue how I'm going to finish my semicha program, and not sure I'll even make it to the end of my time in Israel in June, let alone coming back in the fall or what happens during the summer. Hmm, yes, I say I'm up a creek. Deep sh*t.

And then, something beautiful happens. I'm standing there, watching these cows graze, and a mother cow goes over to her baby cow and starts licking her face. And I have to say, I melted.

It was one of the most beautiful acts of parent-child love I've seen in a long time. I stood there, mesmerized as the mother cow cleaned the face of its young. Just gorgeous.

And I thought to myself – wow, even in the face of deep sh*t there is also tremendous beauty. Love all around. I was inspired and decided to thank G!d for sending me into this place to see this beautiful love. I davened Mincha there in that field and it was a lovely davening. I thanked G!d for bringing me there, and I thanked the cows for being so lovely. And then I left the field, and came back to the road I had turned off of to get there. I decided to continue on the road – when I reached the end of it, I came to an amazing nature reserve, with a path leading down into a gorgeous gorge. Despite the fact that the sign told me the park was closing soon, I went in anyway (what're they gonna do, arrest me for hiking on Shabbes?) and had an amazing solo hike for an hour or so. Spectacular views and a nice conversation with G!d about the next phase of my life, asking G!d if the big transition I think is heading my way was right for me. Answer received was absolutely – sorry to be a tease but you'll have to wait to find out what it is! But the hike was amazing and it was so wonderful to be using my body – I could hike every day. Gorgeous views, which I had all to myself (the nature reserve was outside the eruv so no one else would go in on Shabbes. Lucky me!).

When I came back to the start of the trail, I was rejuvenated and incredibly inspired as I often am with amazing hikes out in nature. Good time talking to G!d, some good singing and an amazing afternoon.

I walked back towards Tzfat, passing my friendly cows again. And I thought to myself that the amazing place I had just been to on the hike was SO CLOSE to the place where I was in deep sh*t with the cows. You could get from one to the other in two minutes!

And isn't that how it is in real life? Whenever we're at our lowest, whenever we think we're in deep sh*t with nowhere to go, we're never actually that far from finding the answers to get us into a better place. And if we put our trust in G!d and call out when we need a little help, when we can find great beauty even in the dark places, then we're not in a place of deep shi*t anymore. We have the power to transform the negative into positive, even into holiness. We don't have to be in a place of deep sh*t. If we find the G!d in that space, then it's just deep. As in whoa, that's deep.

As we continue on our path from slavery to liberation, from bondage to receiving the Torah, may we find holiness even in our dark spaces. May we let light into all those places inside us that need it.

And may we always remember that there is great beauty all around, if we but open our eyes. May we blessed to see holiness wherever we go.

Many blessings,

Ilan

 

The Ilan Glazer 2010/5770 Omer Liberation Project

Hi friends. I know it's been a long time since many of you have heard from me. My apologies for keeping you in a state of suspense as to my whereabouts and activities for many months. I am happy to be reacquainted with your email address, and I hope the absence of life updates from yours truly hasn't been too painful for you. My deepest apologies.

All kidding aside, I am very grateful to all of you for befriending me over the years. It has been a very interesting (to say the least) 30 years on the planet, and I've had probably more than my fair share of excitement (wouldn't have it any other way, I suppose). I could not have gotten to where I am without the love and support and friendship of all of you. Thank you so much.

So where am I? I am now living in Jerusalem, taking advantage of the Jewish Agency's MASA grants for a year of free tuition at the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies. Pardes is a great place, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I've made lots of new friends, my mind is blown on a regular basis, and every class I take counts towards my Rabbinic program with ALEPH: The Alliance for Jewish Renewal. I've been in Israel since the end of August, and, like my maternal ancestors, have managed to stay insanely busy. I couldn't be a normal person and just take classes at Pardes, could I? Nope. Also taking one class at the Conservative Yeshiva, 2 classes with Nava Tehila, Jerusalem's amazing Jewish Renewal community, and now I have a phone class with ALEPH as well. In short, I am often in school from 8:30 in the morning (7:15 if I go to davening, which I do at least twice a week) until anywhere from 6:45 to 10:30 at night, five days a week. Which makes me certifiably insane, but we probably knew that already. My thought was that if I'm only in Israel for the year, I'm going to take as many classes as possible to learn as much as I can and speed up my ordination. And so I did. I've cut back a little bit this semester, but am still insanely busy. But I'm not complaining – I love the learning, and living in Jerusalem is lovely (though if someone could tell the drivers that using the horn is not actually a requirement of driving, that'd be lovely).

A few highlights of my time in Israel, and then an explanation of the big project now underway, and a request for help (if you don't have much time you can skip the highlights for now and read about the project on the bottom).

Highlights:

-wonderful new friends I will treasure for years to come. One of the highlights of Pardes is learning with chevrutas (study partners) in each class. Good to learn other perspectives on the texts we study.

-amazing learning – I've taken classes on Maimonides, Talmud, Torah, Torah Commentators, Scribal Arts (Sofrut), Halacha, Modern Jewish Thought, Hasidut, Zohar and Kabbalah (even though I'm under 40), Spirituality, Relationships, Megillot, and more. I have learned so much and almost more importantly have acquired tremendous tools for lifelong learning. You are hereby encouraged to come to Pardes for a semester, summer, or year program. www.pardes.org.il A great place to learn. If you come in the fall, you very well may see me there (more on that later).

-the gorgeous, heart-opening music and prayer that is Nava Tehila, Jerusalem's Jewish Renewal community. The services can't be described in words, but suffice it to say that I am often taken to spiritual heights I didn't know existed during davening. I am the main Nava Tehila drummer for the year, which is an amazing treat, and I co-lead a monthly night of sacred music with my friend Nave. I've been working with Reb Ruth Gan Kagan to take my prayer leadership facilitation to a higher level, and I couldn't have asked for a better teacher. Reb Ruth is a master, and I am grateful to call her my Rav. I am amazed at how much I've grown spiritually and personally since I've been here, and much of it is thanks to the direction of Reb Ruth, who knows just when to give me something else to do, and helps me take myself even higher. Should you be visiting Israel anytime soon, you'd do yourselves a favor by coming to a Nava Tehila davening (which only happens one Friday night a month, so check the website for scheduling). If you can't do that, you can check out Nava Tehila on Youtube, or you can buy the amazing CD they released last year. Gorgeous, gorgeous music. www.navatehila.org for more.

-I do actually manage to get out every now and then. Pardes thankfully includes a few days of hiking, and I've been with them to the Negev, and recently to the Golan. Israel is a beautiful country. I've also done a few very cool peace events, including celebrating an iftar during Ramadan at the home of a Sheikh, an interfaith Hanukkah/Christmas celebration with Nava Tehila and our friends at the monastery in Emmaus, a trip with Breaking the Silence to Hebron, and 2 Peace Workshops with the Israel Palestine Center for Research and Information (IPCRI). It has been really nice to interact with peacemakers from all different traditions. The recent Peace workshop with IPCRI had a special concert Saturday night, and if you'd like to see a fun musical collaboration with Aliza Hava and friends, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBNkasdRA2A&videos=arOP7wR4n4k Check out the drummer. Not bad if I do say so myself….

-lots of soul growth. Reb Ruth said to me at one point "Well Ilan, you came to Israel for a year of intense learning. It's intense." Indeed. Being back in Israel and learning more than full-time is wonderful, and life-transforming. I dare say it's impossible to live in Israel and not have your beliefs challenged every day, especially when you're spending so much time studying each day. I am very grateful for the chance to be here. I will add that in January I was back in the US for the last week of my Kol Zimra: Sacred Hebrew Chant Training with Rabbi Shefa Gold, and the life-transforming journey that Kol Zimra has been is a great gift. If you are looking for a powerful way to connect to Jewish tradition and healing using chant and Jewish liturgy, you should check out the training program. A new cycle starts this summer. More info here: http://rabbishefagold.com/KolZimra.html I am eternally grateful to Reb Shefa for her teachings and for unlocking parts of my soul which hadn't yet been discovered, and giving me the tools to continue learning and healing. New chants come to me on a semi-regular basis – I can't even say that I write them – I am blessed to be a vessel for God's light coming through.

This soul growth has been amazing. And really hard. It's not easy to find out that some parts of our lives aren't working. Sometimes we find we are the biggest obstacle to our own growth. And yet, I firmly believe that growth is a never ending process and that the only way forward is to go through all of those places. As they say, denial ain't just a river in Egypt and if I want to stand in my own power I have to go through and clear out all the negative beliefs that stand in my way. This is not easy. My teacher Reb Zalman, quoting Susan Saxe, COO of ALEPH, says that transforming ourselves is like changing a car's tires while driving. I agree. Hard, hard work, which cannot be done alone.

And so I am delighted to announce the 2010/5770 Ilan Glazer Omer Liberation Project.

The Omer is a 50-day journey from Passover, when we celebrate leaving Egypt, to Shavuot, when our ancestors received the Torah on Mount Sinai. In recent years, many have seen the Omer as a process from slavery to liberation, with each day of the Omer representing a different combination of sefirot, or mystical guideposts. I will freely admit that despite my two classes of Zohar and Kabbalah and being an ALEPH student, I'm still not sold on sefirot. Nevertheless, my dear friend and Kol Zimra classmate Mia Cohen invited me to join her in using the sefirot of each day to transform ourselves.

So, this Omer project is a chance for us to examine where in life we are stuck? Where is light prevented from coming in? Where have I shut God out? What do I need to do to live in the light of God every day? What tools do I have at my disposal to do so and what do I need to help? Where would I like to be and how do I get there? How can I stand in my power in every moment, taking full responsibility, without blaming others or giving my power away? How do I leap into a world of fully trusting myself? Trusting God? What does freedom look like? And how do I get there? What minor or radical changes are needed to get the best out of life? How can I best use my gifts? What prevents me from being fully free? Where does my soul need to be ripped apart and put back together? Be honest. Radically honest.

This will be a highly-transformative process with the goal of getting past all my fears and hang-ups and getting me to a place where my soul can really flourish. Already, Days 1-3 have been difficult, challenging, and very gratifying. I hope to blog about this every few days, and I invite you to follow along at www.soulshvitz.blogspot.com

And this is where I could really use your help:

I have identified four areas of my life that could use improvement.

1. Rabbi School work. I am majorly behind on a number of papers. Given how much trouble this got me in in college, this needs to change, and pronto.
   
2. Health challenges. In many ways, I have the best health I've had in years. But there are still too many little challenges that add up to not being 100%. I'll spare you the details, but I need to be working with good healers to get to a place where physical limitations aren't in the way.
   
3. Financial challenges. I am hovering over being completely broke, and have at least $25,000 in medical debt, another $25K in student loans, and a few thousand in outstanding bills from mom's estate that need to be paid. And I owe ALEPH about $10,000 for Rabbi school courses. Hmm, I'm no genius but this is not good. How did I get here? A combination of irresponsible insurance companies, jobs that fell through, caregiving for two years full-time, and studying in a Rabbinic program that isn't eligible for student loans.
   
4. Emotional issues – I know myself to know that much of the first three problems come as a result of some poor thinking on my behalf. I dare say there have been times when my own thinking gets in the way. Sometimes, I'm the problem. There have been times when I feel as if I don't deserve to have money, to be successful, to pursue my dreams, to get work done. If I can fix the way I think in certain areas, the rest should be easy.
   

And so, I am hereby committing to challenge myself to grow, to examine my weaknesses, to find as many unsupportive parts of my behavior as I can and work through them to get to the place where I'm free to be me.

And here I need help. My friend Les Brown (lesbrown.com), one of the world's best public speakers, says we should ask for help, not because we're weak, but in order to stay strong.

One of the reasons I haven't written this year is because I've needed to ask for help, but have been approaching asking for help as a weakness. No more. It turns out that not asking for help is itself a sign of weakness. Thinking I can do it all without anyone's help is a weakness. Real men stand on their own, right? Hogwash.

So I'm setting off on a big adventure, and I need help. How can you help?

1. Constant encouragement is very helpful. I read every email that comes my way, even if I don't always have time to respond. And it is always helpful to hear from friendly faces. Don't be shy. I know that many of you have also had moments of transformation. I would love to hear of your insights, or favorite quotes that helped you along the way.
   
2. I know that many are not, but some of you may be in a position to assist me financially. I'm looking both for any amounts you may have, but also for a few people who might be able to give me a loan in order to finish my Rabbinic studies. There isn't a bank or a Free Loan society that will lend me money, but perhaps there are a few kind souls who might be able to help. For anyone able to give, of any amount, I do have a paypal account linked to my email address – tevamaggid@gmail.com – or you can make deposits into a Bank of America branch (I can provide routing numbers) or to a local bank in Boulder, Colorado. Checks are doable as well. I wouldn't ask for help if I didn't need it, and at this point, it's clear that I am not able to continue my studies in the way I'd like unless someone can help. If you think you can, please be in touch asap. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
   
3. Any connections to healers in Jerusalem are welcome.
   
4. I'll work on the Rabbi School papers. That I gotta do myself! (Worked my tuchus off the last few days – I'm almost done with one, and hope to finish a second before school resumes on Wed).
   
5. Most importantly, I'd like to ask each of you to visualize me with perfect health, free of financial worry, in a place of total freedom. I know that I've got great things ahead of me – as a Rabbi, author, speaker, personal growth trainer, perhaps even politician, and who knows what else may come my way. I don't want this writing to sound as if I am in dire straits. I am incredibly blessed to be where I am. But this journey is about not settling for a life that's decently-good. Life ought to be great. I know that I'll get there, with your help, hard work, and the grace of G!d.
   

And the best help you can give me is in helping to create a world we all want to live in. May we all be blessed to stand together with our ancestors and find our freedom at Mount Sinai at the end of our journey.

Thank you all for loving me and supporting me along this journey. If I can do anything to support you on yours, please don't hesitate to ask.

Many, many blessings.

Ilan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shampoo Torah

Like many others I know, I often do my best thinking in the shower. Maybe it's the water washing away all of my cooties, maybe it's the great acoustics and i can sing, daven, and chant my heart out, maybe it's the fact there are no to-do lists in the bathroom and i'm free from obligations (other than soap and shampoo), and maybe it's the fact that the bathroom is the cleanest room in my house. Whatever it is, inspiration often comes in the shower.

Last week, following the Hazon Food Conference, I stayed at the home of the ever-fabulous Josie Lehrer in San Francisco. As is my daily custom, I hopped in the shower to desmellify. Because of airplane regulations, I don't travel with my own shampoo anymore (cause apparently washing your hair is bad for national security!). So I used some of Josie's shampoo. I was struck by a note on the bottle, which said "Makes hair up to 85% shinier!"

85% shinier. How does the shampoo decide which hairs to make shiny and which to leave in its ordinary state? And who said I want my hair shiny anyway? But it got me thinking - how does it choose? And what does it mean to be chosen? We Jews are known as the Chosen People. But what if our chosenness is of the same ratio as shampoo? What if only 85% of us get chosen? Who decides? Does chosenness come with obligations? Do we have to do something to be chosen? The midrash says only 10% of the Israelites left Egypt to become part of the Jewish people at Mount Sinai. So clearly it is somewhat self-identifying. We have to choose to be chosen.

In today's world, no one tells us we have to do any Jewish activity.
Ultimately, we are all Jews by choice. Other than paying taxes and rent and utilities, there's really not anything I have to do. So almost every action I make is a choice. I choose to be shiny. I choose to be a vessel for love, life, joy, truth, and spirit. What do you choose?

Blastoff 2009!

Hi friends,

Behold, a new year dawns! 2009! Happy New Year to all of you beautiful people.
Methinks it is time for that age-old tradition of New Year's Resolutions.
I prefer to think of it as where do I want to be a year from now?
The most successful people I know are all goal-setters and diligent planners.
And if you want to learn anything, gotta learn from those who are already where you want to be.
So, (drum roll please) I hereby present my vision for the future of me in the next year!
I welcome all of your comments, suggestions, submissions, questions, laughs, etc.
If you want something to happen, you have to put it out to the world and let the world help.
So, here goes nothing! (This is a long note, but enjoy the ride!)

A brief update as to what's going on now:

At the end of August, I moved all of my worldly possessions to Boulder, Colorado.
Why? I started studying in the ALEPH: Alliance for Jewish Renewal Rabbinical Program in January, and was ready to be part of a Renewal community. Also had enough of New York. Fun town, but I needed a change. Decided on Boulder, visited a few times, was offered a 4-month job as a Rabbinic Assistant to Rabbi Tirzah Firestone in one of the Renewal synagogues here in Boulder. Said okay, let's do it. Packed everything into a 16-foot truck and drove from Brooklyn to Boulder. Long drive. Beautiful. Thank heavens for the CD player.

Four months I've spent in Boulder now. Moved into a 3-bedroom house. Paying rent. Unpacking. The works. Rabbi school courses. Jewish Holidays. Three highlights from my time here in Boulder:

1) Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, the founder of the Jewish Renewal movement lives here in Boulder. He is a wonderful teacher, and a beautiful neshama. Since he's a super-phenomenal teacher and lives 4 miles from me, I asked Reb Zalman if I could study with him. Seems to me, it'd be silly to study his writings with other teachers if I can study with him directly, right? Reb Zalman is almost 85 and doesn't take on students all that often anymore. Lucky for me, he agreed to teach me. We study at least every other week, sometimes more, and it is a real treasure to study together. There is no doubt in my mind that the reason I'm in Boulder is to study with Reb Zalman. I can't think of a better teacher in the Jewish world than Reb Zalman, and I savor every moment. A teaching from him at the end of this note. We're studying from a book of practical halacha (Jewish Law) called Otzar Dinim Uminhagim. It's a modern compilation of all the laws put together in one volume. Very informative and engaging too. We also study Jewish Renewal theology, as well as Spiritual Leadership (aka a course in Rebbetude, according to my fabulous Director of Studies Reb Victor). I expressed my gratitude to Reb Zalman at the end of our first session. I am amazed I get to do this. I asked if I could pay him for his time. He looked at me and said "Nu, Ilan, from you I don't need money." (Thank heavens for that!). What can I offer you then, I asked. "Well, you're a good, strong man. Winter is coming. So when it snows you'll come shovel my driveway and my walk." Actually, it's perfect for both of us! And it only snows about once a week or so in Boulder, so my workload is not so bad. And it is quite a kick serving as the Holy Snow-Shoveler to Reb Zalman! I love it.

2) A second highlight is that I drummed, sang, and told a story on a very cool CD that just came out. My friend Julie Geller, a phenomenal Denver-based musician, arranged and produced an album of a Friday Night Shabbat experience. I drummed, sang backup vocals, and recorded a story. My first professionally-recorded story! Yay! I will happily send you the mp3 file if you'd like. Making music is a blast, even if recording it is a lot harder. But I am quite pleased to have been a part. Visit www.juliegeller.com to order the Step Into Shabbat CD. It's quite good, if I do say so myself!

3) Last highlight is me trying to get my health in order. Shall we say I didn't exactly grow up in the most health-conscious household and it's been a steep learning curve. No complaints - I love to learn and I am on a quest to do all I can to get this body of mine in good shape. Since I don't have a car, I'm biking all over town - Boulder is amazingly bike-friendly, which rocks. I joined a rec center and have worked out there a number of times (weights, treadmills, lots of other machines, running and shooting hoops on the basketball court, etc) and I've started to take classes at a dance studio in town. I know what you're thinking. Really? A Glazer? Dancing? Exercising? No way. Way. There's one class in particular I am quite fond of called Soul Sweat. It's 75 minutes of kick-ass coordinated movement set to world music. Or, as I like to think of it, one hell of a shvitz! The instructors have told me I have very good coordination (I am a drummer), and that I should think about becoming a dance instructor! Wow, there's a hell of a possibility! And the ladies all love me. I'm almost always the only guy to show up. No complaints from my end....

So on those fronts, life is going well here in Boulder.

So what happens next?

Well, I have a lot of things I want to do in the next year, and here they are.

1) Continue with health work. There are some great healers in this town. I have a hernia to be fixed, bad breathing, allergies, and weight to lose and muscle tone to gain. Am I supposed to be gluten-free? Am I allergic to wheat, soy, or anything else? Let's figure it out! By the end of this year I want to look great, feel great, and not have ANY medical issues to worry about. The CPAP (snoremaster) needs to be permanently retired. One year, maximum to get all of it taken care of. Ambitious? You bet. Bring it on. And once the new me has arrived, I will take myself to LA for a new wardrobe. I have a personal stylist who is waiting for me to arrive, but I won't do it until my body is ready. Image is important, and mine is ready for some exciting updates!

2) I want to have a clean, organized home. I have books all over the place, and so many papers to go through and I'm nowhere near settled here. And not being settled makes everything worse. So, by the end of June, everything needs to be put away, given away, thrown out, or recycled. Life's too short to be dealing with clutter all the time. If I ain't gonna use it, it's gone.

3) I want to be fully engaged in all my Rabbinical School classes this year. I am taking a lot of classes. The Aleph program has no time requirements for how fast or slow you should go, as many of the students are raising families and working full-time jobs. I'm doing a lot so I can go through the program in four years or so. But it's not enough to take the classes - I have to keep up on all the readings, write all the papers, and be actively engaged. Consider it done!

4) I promised mom before she died that I'd finish the book she started about transplants and caregiving and such. Tentatively titled Every Day A Blessing, though also possibly subtitled as What Am I, Chopped Liver? I am finishing cleaning up her estate, but in many ways I don't think I'll feel totally complete as a caregiver until the book is finished.

5) Similarly, I want to publish the weekly parsha commentaries mom wrote for a number years as head of school at Solomon Schechter. Mom was quite a good teacher, and the thought of families discussing Torah over Shabbat meals makes me happy.

6) I want to be well on my way to financial freedom. I'm tired of not having the money to do what I want. Between my own medical bills and student loans, I am probably $50,000 in the hole. Not to mention rent, health insurance, Rabbinical school courses, and trying to have a social life. By the end of this year, I need to be debt-free, and with a sizable chunk of dough in the bank. How'm I gonna do that?

7) I'm starting an organization called SNARF: The Society for the Natural Alliance between Religion and Funniness! No, I'm not kidding. Well, I'm always kidding, but this is for real. Why? Cause when religions take themselves too seriously, bad things happen to the world (see East, Middle). I think religion is the best force for change this planet has ever seen. And when it's taken over by idiotic jackasses (of which I am sometimes a part, probably) who don't understand that it's all poetry and metaphor, and that we're all on paths to the same G!d, religion is probably the most destructive force on the planet. This is my way to help change that. How? Well, for starters by making people laugh. Every clergy person I know has wonderful stories of what I lovingly call Spiritual Bloopers, funny things that go delightfully, blessedly wrong in the course of everyday religious life. Funny, precious stories. Few of them get told. I want to put them together, with stories from all different faiths and denominations, make people laugh, and help show that all of our religions are paths to the same truth. If we can stop demonizing each other and start laughing with one another, real, meaningful peace can take place. Once I get books rolling I want to do training sessions with clergy to help them use humor, storytelling, and public speaking techniques in their congregational work. By and large the clergy I know are wonderful, brilliant people who have a lot to share but who don't often know how to get it across in ways their congregants can hear. That's a shame, and I am here to help! I am a highly trained public speaker and storyteller, and would love for more people to have the skills I have been fortunate enough to learn.

So by the end of this year my goal is to have 1,000 Spiritual Bloopers collected. By end of November the first book is published and ready to go. Why then? Cause in December the Parliament of World Religions is taking place in Melbourne, Australia and 10,000 people are expected to be there, including the Dalai Lama. I'd like to be teaching at the Parliament, sharing this material, and of course collecting more stories for future volumes. How many volumes? Well, how many does Chicken Soup for the Soul have? That many.

Do you have a Spiritual Blooper to share? What's the funniest thing you've seen or a been a part of in a religious or spiritual setting?

8) DrumDaven! - I have been drumming for over twenty years now, and in the last few years have seen phenomenal experiences take place at drum circles and drum gatherings. I want to combine drumming with davening, Jewish prayer. I don't know what it will look like, but how about services where everyone has a drum to play, and everyone's rhythm is heard? I'm tired of services where only a few people get to take part and everyone else gets to watch. That's a waste of time, even when I'm the one leading. So, stay tuned fro DrumDaven! because G!d is the rhythm of our souls, and what is davening if not joining together in shared rhythm?

9) Soul Shvitz! - Maybe I should become a dance instructor! Let's face it, we Jews are known for many things but movement and exercise are not among them. I've thought about putting together a book called Jews Who Sweat to help erase the negative views that we don't, a view that much of our religious tradition encourages. I want to lead Soul Shvitzes, Jewish Soul Sweat classes. What would it look like if we had a morning service that went through the regular prayers but set them to music and we danced them together? Honestly, I think the reason many Jews are disconnected is because a lot of organized religion is boring and uninspiring. How bout a morning practice of talking to G!d with our full bodies? I'd do that every day, for sure!

10) I loved recording the story I mentioned earlier. I want a full-length cd of me telling stories. Maybe some chanting, since I'm studying sacred chanting with Rabbi Shefa Gold. I'd love to write more of my own stories. Ultimately, I'd love to create a story for each week's Torah portion and have a nice 6-CD set to sell. (One for each book of the Torah, and another for holidays and special occasions). I am working on a Middlesex County Annual Donna Glazer Memorial Jewish Storytelling Festival (to be called something other than that!). Stay tuned for more info.

11) I need a web presence. Gotta have a website and gotta be blogging regularly. Someone here in Boulder is making me a site for free (gotta love those college students). Should be ready in the next week or so. And I may very well start blogging for jcarrot, Hazon's Jewish Food blog. But I want to be blogging, cross-posting on many different blogs and websites, and i want 10,000 people on my email list at the end of the year. All who want to be there, no one coerced at all. This post and any others will be available at www.soulshvitz.blogspot.co

m I'll try and update it regularly, once a week at the least.

12) As mentioned above, I am a highly-trained public speaker, and have studied with some of the best public speakers on the planet. I am ready to be speaking on a regular basis, both on my own and for professional organizations. By the end of January, I will have applied for the trainer job I have in mind. My goal is to be a professional trainer with Peak Potentials, the fabulous organization that has changed my life in so many ways. I will take their Enlightened Warrior Camp over the summer, and any other courses I can get my hands on as well. Fabulous stuff. Ask me for more info if you're interested.

13) And of course, I want to fall madly in love with a wonderful, sexy, musical, creative Jewish woman who is equally madly in love with me. I am ready for more love in my life, and all-around I do better when I'm involved in a healthy, solid relationship. I yearn to be on that path. I don't need to be married by the end of this year! But I am ready for love.

Finally, all these are directions I see myself going in. But as Rabbi Dovid Zeller, of blessed memory taught me, the four best words in the English language are: I. Could. Be. Wrong. So if the world has other plans in store for me, I am open to it. If I can only do a few things on the list, fantastic. I am open and ready to accept whatever blessings the world wants to send my way.

Where do you come in?

Now that I've shared this vision with you, I ask you to hold me accountable! Ask me how the projects are coming along. Share your insights and your stories and suggestions. Give me feedback. Tell me if something doesn't work and offer a compliment if it does. Tell me what of all the things I mentioned you would most like to see. Tell your friends about projects they might enjoy. And share with me your own ideas. I am always happy to hear what you are up to. How can I be of service to you? Can we partner on a project? How can we support one another?

Last week I was with Reb Zalman studying about Hanukkah. Traditionally, the light form the candles is not allowed to be used for any purposes - can't use em to clean or read or anything else. Reb Zalman said that his father used to say that some people are just like Hanukkah candles - they look really shiny, but you can't use em for anything!

So in this new year, may we all be not just shiny, but also useful to one another, sharing and caring and helping each other to the best visions of ourselves. May we all lift each other up, may our lights shine brightly, and may we all live to see a day where all of our dreams for good are fulfilled. May that day come soon!